"But they're so comfy!"When I first saw Crocs at a shoe store I was shopping at, I almost laughed at the thought of someone actually looking at them and going "oh my god I NEED those crocs!!! They would go perfect with this outfit I bought..." Then, not even five minutes later, I saw a woman pluck a pair of orange ones off the rack and bring them to the cash register. In my mind, I dropped to my knees and screamed at the sky. This was a cruel joke, right? She clearly was buying them as a gag gift for someone. Or, more realistically, to sacrifice them to the Shoe Gods in order for mankind to be forgiven for these shoes even being manufactured. But it got worst. Before she left the store, she pulled off the original shoes she was wearing, dropped them in the bag, and put the crocs onto HER.FEET. I almost died. Seriously.
I was traumatized for a while, but eventually recovered. So one person bought them, that's okay. Not everyone has taste. My life went on as normal, completely croc-free until one very dark, horrible night. I had just returned to my grandma's house from shopping at the mall with some family and was completely oblivious to what was awaiting me on the other side of the door. When I pushed it open, my eyes slowly fell onto a pair of bright pink crocs standing there by the staircase. They were taunting me. When my aunt came to greet me, I asked her immediately what those things were, in which she replied: "crocs! They're so comfortable, you should give them a try." Really?? Was this her way of saying I should just end my life? I thought we had a good relationship. Maybe she was still mad about the coal my mom and I got her for christmas last year. Whatever the case, I politely declined but she kept on insisting. In order to get her off my case, I had to try them on. My palms grew sweaty, my eyes frantic, and my teeth were slowly grinding into dust as I slipped both feet into the pink crocs and immediately felt as though my soul had been sold to the devil. I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't believe how much uglier they looked on me. When I took them off, the air felt fresher and more clear and the sun shone a bit brighter. I never put my feet in another pair of crocs again.
But after that day, crocs took off charging. Flipping through celebrity magazines and scanning through celebrity blogs, I was constantly hit with celebs wearing crocs. Brooke Shields?? Aaron Eckhart?? Jack Nicholson?? Oh my God, Morgan Freeman?? NOT MORGAN FREEMAN! What started off as shoes children normally wore, were now being taken over by adults and were, therefore, a fad. Even worse, they've come out with other designs, such as croc BOOTS!
So, what's so special about Crocs? Clearly not their looks, considering they are the ugliest shoes to ever be made. So, are they comfortable? Apparently that's the arguement. Colorful and "fun". Not all shoes are painful and you can find really comfortable flats or boots that, you know, don't act like the pink elephant in the room when you're around people.
So, look crocs. Just because celebrities wear you, thus making everyday common-folk wear you, doesn't make you cool. I mean, cmon, people actually went out and bought Paris Hilton's cd because they thought it was "cool". One day you will be behind us and we'll all forget this ever happened. Crocs, you've been put in place.
xoxo
